Love seems to be all that’s on people’s minds.
I grab lunch with my friends, and they jump at talking about their latest Tinder date. I sit down with my parents, and they look at me with worrying eyes and ask, “so, are you dating anyone?”
And I get it. Love is magical; it’s one of the greatest things we can experience as human beings.
But what I hear with a lot of people — and I know because I used to be one of them — is they’re holding themselves back.
Love doesn’t have to be equivalent to chasing an elusive unicorn. It doesn’t have to feel like riding a rollercoaster at a janky county fair.
It can be easier. You just have to stop getting in your own way.
There are a few beliefs that may be holding you back from finding the love you deserve.
- You’re somehow broken. You think people who haven’t been scarred from life exist. You feel like a back sheep amongst everyone else.
- You don’t deserve love. Because whatever you did in the past determines how you should be treated today; that you’re not a miraculous human being that deserves great things.
- You’ll be hurt, just like before. You hold on to the notion that because one shitty person hurt you, everyone will hurt you.
- Love looks perfect. You don’t understand that love is two imperfect beings coming together and living out a messy relationship; that the messy is beautiful, magical, and wonderful.
- You won’t be a good partner. Because somehow you missed reading the rulebook on being the perfect partner; like that rulebook ever existed.
- There are no lessons to be learned from past loves. You see them as a waste of time, something that you wish never happened.
- You need to be cautious. For you, love needs to look methodical; you can’t take risks and must protect your heart dearly.
- You need to be married by now. Everyone from your high school is married, and that makes you desperate to find someone ASAP.
- Dating sucks. You feel like meeting a new person is awkward instead of exciting. You view dating a hopeless game, not a beautiful endeavor.
- You must be smaller to deserve love. You believe fully expressing who you are means you’re unloveable; that no one could appreciate the real you.
- Other people are better than you. When you date, you feel lucky to be dating that person. You think you’re not worthy of their love.
- Everyone will cheat. Because your father did. Because your ex did. Because, in your world, cheating is inevitable.
- Changing yourself is necessary. You mold yourself based on who you date; you think you’re not enough as is. You try to become someone you’re not.
- You’ll lose yourself. You’re scared a relationship means giving up your identity; you’ll enmesh with your partner and stop doing everything you love.
- Your partner will save you. Because you don’t believe you’re capable of saving yourself.
- Someone else’s love is enough. You don’t realize that you need to love yourself first.
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