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21 Questions To Ask Your Partner To Understand Them On A Deeper Level

Questions that go beyond music preferences and sibling names.

4 min readNov 26, 2019

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Photo by John Schnobrich on Unsplash

There comes a time in relationships when you get a bit sick of jokes and blase topics. You want to know your partner on a deeper level, how their past shaped them into who they are today, what their deepest desires are.

Asking about their week, how their relationship with their parents is, and about their future goals feels almost like a reflex. You want to know more. The parts of them that not everyone gets to hear about.

But when you finally muster up the courage to ask a more question that would dig a bit deeper, you draw a blank.

Maybe you’re nervous your questions may come off interrogative.

Maybe you’re stuck on the wording.

Maybe you simply don’t know what to ask.

Fear not. You’re in the same boat as a lot of us, and there’s hope for getting to know your partner on a deeper level.

My advice to set the mood for this venture: make it into a bit of a game.

Let your partner know your intentions for asking these questions. Tell them you’ll answer them too. Maybe even enjoy a few glasses of Pinot while you make you’re way through them.

Create an intimate night-in while you dive into the inner workings of each other.

Once that’s done, hopefully, that eliminates some of your nerves.

This list will help you with exact questions to ask your partner to get to know them on a deeper level:

On Life

1. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

I find someone’s answer to this question to be very telling of their values and desires.

2. If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say in only three sentences?

This may take a bit of thinking, but asking for a concise answers makes your partner think about what they learned most in life thus far.

3. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

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Kirstie Taylor
Kirstie Taylor

Written by Kirstie Taylor

Want to feel confident and secure when dating? Grab my 30-day dating guide, "From Anxious to Secure." kirstietaylor.com/guide // IG: @kirstietaylorr //

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