“We suffer more in imagination than in reality.” — Seneca

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The happiness you experience in your relationships greatly depends on your mindset.

Your mindset changes how you view your partner and the ways you treat them. It determines whether an obstacle is merely a bump in the road or a dead-end. In fact, your mindset quite literally changes your reality.

“We suffer more in imagination than in reality”

— Seneca

More and more are being done that show the mind doesn’t play a passive role in our lives. How we think about situations changes how we experience them. This often means the difference between unhappy and happy.

If this realization freaks you out, it shouldn’t. Your mind having such an influence over your life also means that you can improve your circumstances and relationships by simply changing the way you look at things. …


Because everyone deserves to feel fulfilled in life and love.

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Alarming results came from a published in 2018. Researchers found that the prevailing reason someone stays in an unhappy relationship is that they’re scared to make the other person upset.

Which blows my mind but also doesn’t. What that boils down to is seeing your partner’s needs and comfortability as more important than yours. Something a lot of us, including me, have done.

It’s not easy speaking up for your needs, even more so if you’re a woman. We’re taught to be the providers; to give give give, and make sure our partners are happy. Just yesterday, I had a conversation about this with a friend who came across an old Dr. …


The change needed to come from me, but it helped to be in the right environment.

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I will die on the hill that all change needs to come from within a person. No one can do the work for you. Only you can put effort into creating the life you want.

But part of working towards that change is putting yourself in the right environment.

As someone whose anxiety dictated her every thought and action when it came to love, it was hard to ignore how sad and hopeless I felt in my love life. About three years ago, I decided to stay single for a year and implement some of those changes.

What happened was me coming across theories like attachment styles and love languages. I learned about boundaries, limiting beliefs, and self-love. …


It’s time to look deeper than just your job and family.

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One-third of Americans say they’re under . What’s even more concerning? You probably read that statistic and thought, “Eh. I’m not surprised.”

Being stressed has become the norm for just about everyone today. People climbing the corporate ladder wear it as a badge of honor. Students are expected to live with it. And it’s become a running joke to describe everyone’s collective misery during this pandemic.

The fact we all function off the notion that stress is normal is a deep societal concern. …


And end your arguments more quickly.

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I’m not great at arguing. Even after all the articles I’ve written about fighting and the knowledge I’ve accumulated about healthy conflict, I still slip up sometimes.

Just the other week, my boyfriend and I were arguing about whose turn it was to cook dinner. Mid-fight, I felt extra defensive and said, “You’re a jerk!” Out of everything I could’ve said, I picked a pretty crappy choice.

This article needs to be written because I know I’m not alone. …


Because things will happen, whether you worry or not.

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The hardest truth for me to come to terms with ended up being the most freeing truth as well: there’s a whole lot in life I can’t control.

My mind tricked me into believing that if I worried enough, I could control certain life outcomes, but that was far from what happened. Instead, I became anxious, depressed and sabotaged a lot of my relationships.

I know I’m not alone. Anxiety of the US population. “Worry wort” and “control freak” characters are the butt of jokes on almost every TV sitcom. …


Because boredom doesn’t mean your relationship is a failure.

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Recently, I was lounging on my couch with my boyfriend, watching New Girl for the second time. Just like we did the night before and the night before that. My mind started wandering to the beginning of our relationship, longing for the days of butterflies and anticipating my boyfriend’s texts.

I was going through a seldom talked about relationship hurdle. It wasn’t necessarily something horrible that happened in my relationship. Actually, quite the opposite; I felt like not enough was happening.

I was bored. Plain and simple. …


14. They’re an adventure and home wrapped into one.

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Some people have an easier time seeing the negatives than the positives. Though it’s taken me many years to realize, I am one of those people.

This less-than-stellar quality about myself can be attributed to my anxiety. My brain tricks me into thinking that if I don’t consider everything that could go wrong, everything will go wrong.

My relationship is no exception; I constantly worry that things need fixing or problems exist where there are none. And all of this has caused me to think an unthinkable thought that most people in a “committed” relationship would be scared to admit:

I’ve questioned if my relationship is “meant to be.” …


You come so far not to go a little further.

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I recently experienced some Instagram beef with a friend of mine.

He posted a quote on his story by James Dyson that read, “The moment you want to slow down; that’s when you accelerate.” I chuckled to myself and replied, “the moment you want to slow down, you take a break.”

See, my friend and I have different outlooks on achieving success. I believe that your mental and physical well-being matter most, and that aids your goals. Yet my friend believes you need to work hard and always go go go.

Neither of those matters much to our Instagram disagreement since Mr. Dyson’s quote referred to long-distance running, but my point stands. …


A few questions can help you uncover if you should put a pause on dating.

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I wish someone had asked me three years ago if I was ready to get into a relationship. After a breakup with an abusive partner, the last thing I needed was to jump into another relationship a mere month after.

But I used to operate under the notion that love was something to be pursued constantly. And that if I didn’t take every chance I had at finding someone great, I’d miss out.

Sadly, all I did was prolong the inevitable work I needed to do on myself. A relationship couldn’t fix the unhappiness I felt inside me, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to change my unhealthy dating patterns while repeating them. …

About

Kirstie Taylor

Dating, relationship, and self-love writer. Anxious with dating? >> // IG: @WordsWithKirstie // info (at)

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