Time and time again, clients come to me because they keep dating emotionally unavailable people. And, time and time again, I find that part of the reason is that they are emotionally unavailable, too.
So let’s talk about the signs you might be emotionally unavailable when dating.
If you have a hunch you may be emotionally unavailable when you date, ask yourself if you do any of the following:
You’re always one foot out the door.
Your reasoning for this is that you want to be prepared “in case they leave.” Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past, and you’re simply dealing with data and facts. While you may think you’re protecting yourself, you’re actually stopping someone from experiencing all of you.
You “test” them to see if they’ll leave.
You play games or ask them trick questions to see how they react. You pick fights to watch how long they’ll stick around. You function under the mentality that, like the first sign, you have to do what you can to know if they’ll hurt you now rather than getting hurt down the road.
You don’t talk about when you have a stressful day.
You avoid talking about emotions or heavy topics. You’re worried the other person might disappoint you, or the idea of talking about feelings seems way too intimate. But, if you stop to think about it, emotional expression is something you very much want from a partner.
You want things to happen only your way.
There’s no wiggle room for someone else’s opinions or ideas. You have your mind set on how your life will look and feel. And while it’s great to know what you want, this rigidity can be a huge roadblock for someone new who wants to enter your life.
You withdraw when things get difficult.
When you’re overwhelmed, you shut down and want to be alone. You’ve dealt with your emotions on your own for so long; it’s the only way you know how to deal with things. Or, arguably worse, someone walked away when things became difficult, so you believe that…