I’m not afraid to admit that I am a frequenter of dating apps (Bumble is my service of choice).
Dating is fun for me; I like to get to know new people and, on the off chance they want to do something other than getting drinks, have a unique experience.
But my primary goal in romance is to find someone I truly connect with. I do want a relationship.
It’s not as simple as it once was though. Maybe it’s because I live in a city, but liking each other isn’t strong enough to keep two people together anymore.
In my experience, which I counted and is 16 dates, there are four aspects to a person that can make or break two people dating.
Love will go the distance — but only if that distance is within an eight-mile radius.
This reason is the whole catalyst for why I’m writing this article.
I went on a date with a great guy. He was cute, challenged me intellectually, had a tall physique, and had the same interests as me. We seemed like a great match, except for one detail.
He lives in Hollywood, and I live in the South Bay.
I took the liberty of mapping that on Google for you all to figure out the distance. Our relationship didn’t progress to going to each other’s places — and I’m unfortunately not a stalker (though that may have made for a better story) — so I just mapped to the epicenter of Hollywood.
We’re a bit over 15 miles from each other.
Without traffic, that would take about 25 minutes. But this is LA.; “Without traffic” doesn’t exist.
Realistically, the drive from my place to Hollywood would take anywhere from 45 minutes on a good day to an upwards of 3 hours, depending on factors like if the president is in town.
So receiving the text explaining that he likes me but doesn’t see the distance working out, was actually not a huge shocker. I’m pretty focused on my career, so I don’t need the distraction of sitting in LA traffic anyways.
In the end, this guy did help me realize one thing: I need to shorten my dating radius on Bumble to eight miles.
Recently, Bumble added all of these fancy new categories in which one could describe themselves. I now know every person’s zodiac sign; which is apparently vital information in LA, but I really couldn’t give a f*ck.
One of these labels is what they’re looking for in dating. The options are “Something Casual,” “Don’t Know Yet,” and “Relationship.”
Personally, I’m still shocked by how many people have “Something Casual” as their option.
It’s actually pretty difficult to find someone that is looking for a relationship. Like finding a front row parking spot or meeting someone who hasn’t heard “thank u, next”.
I’ve tried being the “cool girl” in the past and act like I’m ok with whatever the guy wants.
But I’m over that; I want someone who is going to take me seriously and respect our time together; I want to find that special someone.
If anything, I should thank Bumble for helping me weed out the anti-relationshipers from the get-go.
You rock, Bumble.
Where They Want To Live
This one is shocking but, again, comes from living in a city. Asking someone where they want to end up living seems to be a regular first date topic.
The question makes sense though; I don’t see myself living in LA forever. I’m not looking to spend upwards of $4,000 a month to rent the rest of my life and never be able to afford a house. Hell, even if I had the money, it would be better spent elsewhere.
Not only that, but I’ve seen enough Supreme-wearing, Instagram famous 14-year-olds to know that I don’t want to end up raising my kids here either. Side note: How are these kids so cool? I wasn’t even half that cool at their age.
If someone is dead-set on staying in LA, I would have to seriously consider if the relationship could work out in the long-run.
Same goes for if they want to live in a suburb somewhere. Houses that all look the same with white fences — my soul would literally die.
Give me a second to explain myself before you jump to the conclusion that I’m a gold-digger.
People living in cities often live much more of an extravagant life than they can afford. Those Lambos LA is known for? Yea, most of those guys are in debt or renting.
I kid you not; I once went on a date, and the guy casually mentioned the massive amount of debt he was in. Then he continued to insist on paying for everything.
My parents raised me to only spend below what I make. I strongly value that kind of thinking. Someone that carelessly spends their money, without a second thought, is not someone I would be able to have a long term relationship with.
Nor would he probably want to put up with my stingy ways.
To add to this, the person’s career goals are also worth noting. I’m very ambitious and want to be with someone that is too. I want to push them to be their best, and I expect the same in return.
Ambition and passion tend to lead to financial gain. If that’s lacking, we probably won’t work out.
Note: I would be lying if I wasn’t secretly grateful that guy paid for the date though. I mean, I’m a writer and nanny. I’m not rolling in money.
In a fantasy world, love and passion would conquer all.
In reality, it’s a 15-mile drive that will break it.