Is Part of the Healing Process Other People?
How eating disorder rehab taught me more than how not to starve myself.
The first time someone suggested “rehab” to me, I was sitting in my therapist’s office in tears. “I think it could do you some good,” she stated, with concern etched into her light blue eyes and a warm tone you’d expect from someone you pay $150 an hour.
I’d been seeing my therapist for a year for help with my eating disorder; she used the word “anorexia” to describe what had become my lifestyle. I first showed up at her office in a historical building in downtown Pasadena during my senior year of college. I was spiteful and uninterested in help, even though I’d lost my period and couldn’t eat without crying; I only sought therapy as a way for my then-boyfriend to see how broken I was. I thought, “maybe my pain will distract him from wanting to leave me.” People can be pretty naive when they’re in love.
As ironic as it sounds, I also wanted to escape my then-boyfriend. I had plans to live abroad, and an eating disorder wouldn’t stop me from my post-college plans, so I left a few months after starting therapy. After graduation, I moved to the other side of the world, believing I’d have my own Eat, Pray, Love moment. But living abroad only made me face everything I tried to outrun., After eight months…
