Rebuilding Your Self-Esteem After A Toxic Relationship

Kirstie Taylor
6 min readNov 19, 2019
Photo by Tran Huynh Nam from Pexels

A relationship is a tricky place to allow your self-worth to reside. But it’s easy to let our sense of self be intertwined with our significant other without even realizing it. I’ve done it plenty of times.

This is isn’t the worst thing, though I’d argue you should work on loving yourself sans your partner’s approval.

The real problem with this is when you’re in a relationship with a toxic person; they can tear down your feeling of self-worth to the point that’s incredibly damaging and threatening to your mental sanity.

I’ve been in this exact situation. I let myself get wrapped up with my live-in boyfriend when I was in college. He was manipulative and ultimately left me as a shell of my former self when things finally ended. I felt insecure and completely drained of any self-confidence.

But the good news is, there’s hope to rebuild your self-esteem. It’s completely viable to become as confident (if not more) than you were before your toxic relationship.

It just takes a bit of reframing your mindset, intentional self-care, and investing in the person that matters most: yourself.

Release yourself of victim mentality

A sure-fire way to stay stuck in the past is to continue to feel like the victim. Yes, the situation you went through was shitty and unfair, but only you can make a choice to move on.

When you so closely relate yourself to a toxic relationship, you’re holding on to the person you were at the time. Instead, accept that things can change and look forward to what is going to come.

That person hurt you enough, don’t let them have a piece of your heart forever.

Forgive yourself so you can move on

Once I was out of my toxic relationship, I needed to forgive myself. I regretted not dumping my boyfriend the first time he shamed me about my body. I hated myself for putting up with being mistreated.

I held onto a lot of blame…specifically for myself.

Part of the victim mentality is being in disbelief that you allowed yourself to be treated so badly. But it’s essential to forgive…

Kirstie Taylor

Want to feel confident and secure when dating? Grab my 30-day dating guide, "From Anxious to Secure." // IG: @kirstietaylorr //