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Some Days I Miss My Eating Disorder
It’s a weird phenomenon that I first learned about in one of the rehab centers I went to; that during my recovery process, I would miss my eating disorder.
I found that to be a crazy concept.
How could I miss something that created so much anguish in my life? A disease that plagued my mind and caused me to starve my body to the point of losing my period; that ended in countless nights of me sitting on my bathroom floor, balling my eyes out, with that night’s dinner floating in the toilet next to me.
How in the world would I ever miss something that caused me to self-harm? That caused me to miss out on enjoying college. That created numerous health issues when I finally decided to try and recover.
How the f*ck could I ever miss that?
Well, on some days, I do.
Because in the end, my ED was a significant part of my formative years.
I’ve struggled with disordered eating on and off since middle school, and it was a full-blown eating disorder from the time I was 20 to around 25 years old.
At the age of 27, that’s a pretty significant period of my life thus far. And sometimes, I miss my ED like I miss an old friend.
