This Is How You Love Someone Who’s Been Hurt Before

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Every person is the sum of all our experiences, pain included.

Or maybe I should say pain, most importantly. Because pain ends up leaving behind the deepest scars. Choosing to love is a vulnerable action; you open yourself up to someone new who then has all the ability to hurt you.

Sometimes, that vulnerability is met with people. Someone cheats or stops loving someone. The person left with a broken heart feels a mixture of emotions: sadness, confusion, and betrayal, just to name a few.

But most people don’t throw their hands in the air and exclaim they’re done with love. Eventually, they get back into the game. They try to find someone who won’t hurt them this time, but those memories of being hurt are etched into who they are.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself one of these people; someone who wants a healthy relationship with you but their memories make things difficult.

So how do you go about loving a person that’s been hurt? How do you move past the barriers they have built up to ensure that they won’t be hurt again? I’ll tell you right now: it’s a whole new ball game.

Choosing to be in a relationship with someone who is wary of love but wants it nonetheless can feel complicated. But what lies beyond the obstacles is a connection, one that could last you a lifetime.

Take things at a slow pace.

When someone’s been hurt, they may need to take things a bit slower, and that has nothing to do with you. They take longer to not only trust but just to feel comfortable being with someone new.

After I dated a man who was abusive, manipulative, and the relationship ended in a fiery ball of pain, a friend of a friend asked me out. Wanting to distract myself from my last relationship, I said yes.

But it wasn’t long into us going on dates that this guy wanted to make things official. I told him from the get-go and reminded him several times that I needed time to move on from my last relationship, but that would only make him try harder.

At that point, I should’ve ended things. But I had zero boundaries, so it’s no surprise I got into an official relationship with him two months…