Member-only story
I Didn’t Upset You; Your Expectations Did.
“If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed.” — Sylvia Plath
There are few things in life that you can control; other people’s reactions, the way they treat you, and how an event will turn out are not amongst them.
Yet it’s human nature to enter into an important event or conversation with ideas on how things will turn out — the tricky part is being fixated on an outcome we want.
Just like when we were little kids, we would get upset if we didn’t win a contest. The bag of delicious candy promised as the prize was passed on to another kid. We sat there, jealous and envying the toddler that won.
Can you see how this could carry on into our adult life? No longer is it just a cute little tantrum you threw as a child; now, your expectations are affecting your happiness.
I am no saint here. I learned the hard way that my expectations were causing my unnecessary anxiety.
In my romantic relationships, I would have serious conversations and went full-force into them thinking that the person would react a certain way.
Whether it be their empathy for a stressful day I had at work or readiness to change a habit of theirs that was upsetting me; I believed that I knew what a normal reaction to the situation was.
