Nothing has meaning until we give it meaning.
Say I hand you a seashell and tell you to take it and make sure to keep it safe. A few weeks go by, and I come back to retrieve my rock.
“I lost it,” you say.
“What!? How could you?” I begin to cry. You can visibly see how distraught I am. In your mind, you’re wondering what the big deal is. It’s just a shell.
Once I calm down, I explain how that shell was collected during the last day I spent with my grandmother. I assigned meaning to the…
Attachment styles is one of the most insightful theories on the world of adult relationships. Not many people consider how their past affects their present, yet it’s the reason a lot of people struggle in their love lives.
As someone with an anxious attachment, watching anxiety interfere with my happiness isn’t fun. But for a long time, I thought I had to deal with my struggles on my own. I thought I had to keep it all quiet from my partners.
But the thing about attachment theory is that part of the healing process happens within our relationship. …
I’ve spent nine and a half years in my 20’s. If there’s one thing that’s without a doubt true about them, it’s this: if you’re not growing, you’re doing your 20’s completely wrong.
And I say this because a lot of people think otherwise. They believe their 20’s is the time to build the life they wanted from when they were in high school. That they need to climb the corporate ladder and really cement down who they are.
And to that, I laugh. Because the person I was at 22 was far different from who I was at 25…
“I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued.”
— Brene Brown
Why do most relationships fail? Sure, you could chalk it up to a bad match. But I’d venture to say that there’s an extra layer to it than that. Chemistry is important and all, but there’s something that matters a lot more.
The right kind of effort.
You see, happily ever after is a farce; no two people come together and have zero arguments or clash of opinions. …
I’ve never been good at making female friends. Apparently, it was so blatantly obvious that my parents pushed me into joining a sorority when I started college because they thought I’d make more girl friends.
But all that experience gained me was the nickname “black sheep” in my sorority because I clearly wasn’t like the other girls. To no surprise, I dropped out a year later.
Ever since then, I’ve been hyper-aware of the size of my circle of friends. I clung to hopes of lifelong friendships with anyone who showed mild interest in hanging out with me. …
Many times I’ve had people ask me, “but how do I know if my relationship is meant to be? What if I’m doubting it?”
No matter how much someone loves their partner, doubt is inevitable. Especially so in a world that reminds us repeatedly of how many fish there are in the sea. You could be madly in love with your partner and still experience a hint that maybe you’re in the wrong relationship.
To write off that feeling as a sign you should break things off with your partner is silly. If your goal is a long-term relationship, then…
I wouldn’t be the person I am today without therapy.
I’ve seen two therapists for a total of four years of my adult life. I started going during a bad episode of depression and to get help for my eating disorders. Then I began seeing the second one, years later, specifically to help with my love life.
Both times were profound experiences I can’t rave about enough. I was lucky to come across two people who helped me learn things about myself and heal in ways I don’t think I could’ve elsewhere.
Reflecting on my years in therapy, I realize…
I don’t care if you’re in the fresh puppy love stage of your relationship or married for ten years with little carbon copies of yourselves running around the house. If there’s one thing I know about women — which I know a lot since I am one — it’s that we all love romance.
But here’s the thing, romance isn’t just what you see in the movies. You don’t have to run through the airport to profess your love or hold a boom box outside her window. You can skip out on the field full of daffodils.
When in a…
I’ve not only written a lot about love for years and published a book on it, but I’ve read, discussed, researched, and questioned plenty of ideas and theories about how love, relationships, and dating work.
And what I’ve found, time and time again, is that people end up learning the hard way some of their greatest lessons on love. Not only that, but people recount having learned these lessons a little too late.
But that’s the great thing about wisdom: it can be shared. You have the opportunity to gain knowledge now rather than later through trial and error.
As a dating and relationship writer, I usually dislike expectations in relationships. After all, people aren't mind readers. How can they know what you want if you don’t say something?
But to write off all expectations would be too generalized. There are some expectations that we should all have, in every relationship that’s romantic or not, simply because we're human beings with feelings.
I’m not talking about expecting your boyfriend to buy you flowers sporadically because that’s how “love is shown.” And I’m most certainly not talking about your partner anticipating every need of yours.
No, what I’m referring to…