By learning them now, you can avoid the hard lesson in the future.

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I’ve not only written a lot about love, but I’ve also read, discussed, researched, and questioned a whole lot of ideas and theories about how love, relationships, and dating work.

And what I’ve found, time and time again is that people learned the hard way some of the greatest lessons on love. Not only that, but they learned when it was a little too late.

But that’s the great thing about wisdom: it can be shared. You have the opportunity to learn now rather than later.

Because life might be filled with a lot of twists, turns, and unknowns, but with these twenty lessons about love, you can feel a bit more certain about where you’re…

11. Acting like you’re a highly wanted man

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As one woman, I can’t speak for all women. But as a dating writer who lives and breathes dating with people across the internet (along with this viral Reddit thread from over 6,000 women), I can speak for many women.

There’s this odd narrative out there that a six-pack, handsome face, and a fat stack of Benjamins in your wallet will attract a woman. And sure, you might attract someone who only cares about those things, but you won’t attract someone you want to be in a relationship with.

In fact, some of the above — especially mixed with a big ego — are at the top of the list of turn-offs for me and all the women closest to me. But until a woman actually points this out, I don’t blame you for thinking otherwise. …

Are things fixable, or is it time to move on?

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Readers please note: this story includes references to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. If you think you need help, or more information, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

The lust-filled beginning of a relationship hides so many of people’s qualities.

Sometimes they’re good, like your partner’s undying love for animals. But other times, they’re what keeps your relationship from lasting in the long-run.

When those less-than-stellar signs begin to pop up, they’re hard to act upon. Your commitment to the relationship can make you think things are fixable, and, sometimes, that’s the case. …

7. Not living up to someone else’s expectations.

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There are two kinds of guilt: healthy and unhealthy. Say you talked crap behind your friend’s back, and they found out. Or you stole from a store and spent the night feeling horrible about what you did. Both of those are healthy guilt.

But a lot of us experience unhealthy guilt — feeling bad for our decisions and actions that don’t warrant those negative emotions. You didn’t do anything wrong, yet you feel like you did. This kind of guilt carries a heavy toll on a person. It’s stressful, causes tension, and can make you second-guess yourself.

Usually, unhealthy guilt comes up when someone aims to please people too much. They feel bad when their decisions hurt someone, even if it’s the right thing to do. While caring about others is a great quality in a person, you shouldn’t feel guilty for making decisions aligned with your authentic self. …

It’s not the relationship that’s the issue.

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Does regular communication feel like a turn-off? Does someone who respects your needs and remembers little details feel like a con-artist to you? Does the fact great people weird you out feel confusing?

If so, you’re not alone. First, let’s talk about what qualifies as a “healthy relationship.”

It’s not someone who bends over backward trying to please you. It’s not a vanilla person you feel zero connection with.

A healthy relationship happens with a person who regularly texts you. Someone who plans dates without you having to always make them. …

Applying them to your life could be your way to happiness.

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There isn’t a single key to happiness. It’s not a destination. You won’t find a magic solution to live happily ever after.

But what you can do is come to terms with the realities of life, learn what you can control, and realize what does affect our happiness in a world that tries to busy us with things that don’t.

That’s why I compiled this list of quotes from Marcus Aurelius.

Who is he? Well, he’s one of the most famous names of a branch of philosophy called Stoicism.

Stoicism came about in the early 3rd century BCE. Stoic philosophers aim to help people love more resilient, aware, and happier lives but understanding what matters most. …

Because even the best relationships can use a bit of TLC.

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A relationship is like a houseplant.

You have to figure out what works well for that unique plant: how much sun it requires, how often does it need water, and what nutrients does the soil need, given the time of year.

If you buy one because of its luscious green leaves, you can’t just place it on your bookshelf and assume it’ll thrive like that on its own. It needs a little TLC. Just like relationships.

It doesn’t matter if you just got into a relationship with someone or you’ve been married for years. …

1. They don’t introduce you to their beloved French Bulldog.

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People say dating sucks, and I’d beg to differ. It can be fun, exciting, and a way to learn a lot about yourself.

The aspects of dating that make people think it sucks are missed expectations, unnecessary pressure, and dating someone who has mismatched dating goals as you. The latter, I believe, causes that “suckiness” that everyone refers to.

Listening to my friends who are currently single talk about their love life feels like flashbacks to my single life: a whole lot of invested feelings into people who never intended to get into a serious relationship.

It’s not always easy to see whether someone wants something serious. You may feel uncertain, unconfident, and uneasy as to where dating this person is going (or not going). If so, then I have some excellent news for you. …

How to tell if you’re on the path of the right when it feels wrong.

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Life-changing growth. Those are big shoes for an article to fill. How would I know what that feels like? Well, let me explain.

In 2014 I was diagnosed with anorexia, orthorexia, and depression, in one therapy session. I’d been stuck in a relationship with an emotionally abusive ex who set a theme for the men I’d date for years after him. I was young, scared, and very lost.

In 2015, I fell into an even deeper mix of depression and my eating disorder. …

And how to start dating to find a healthy relationship.

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You see it all the time in movies: a girl falls for a boy who treats her like crap. He’s interested one day and couldn’t care less the next. He bullies her around and even calls her names disguised by a joke.

But the girl swoons anyway and the trope makes for a great Netflix Rom-Com. But, in real life, it’s not so cute.

These kinds of relationships are painful, yet you might find yourself willingly walking into them. You know the person you’re talking to doesn’t treat you the way you deserve. …


Kirstie Taylor

Dating, relationship, and self-love writer. Anxious with dating? >> // IG: @WordsWithKirstie // //

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