The most common advice about love tends to be the worst. As if dating isn’t hard enough; mix in all of the (hopefully) well-intended but harmful advice out there, and it can feel beyond confusing.
I had a conversation with a friend about this yesterday. She went through a painful breakup and was bombarded with comments like, “he’ll regret this!” or “just wait until he slides into your DMs one day.” These comments upset her because she’s a pretty realistic woman.
She’s not the type to let emotions cloud her mind — essentially, she’s my opposite — so she understood…
Every person is the sum of all our experiences, pain included.
Or maybe I should say pain, most importantly. Because pain ends up leaving behind the deepest scars. Choosing to love is a vulnerable action; you open yourself up to someone new who then has all the ability to hurt you.
Sometimes, that vulnerability is met with people. Someone cheats or stops loving someone. The person left with a broken heart feels a mixture of emotions: sadness, confusion, and betrayal, just to name a few.
But most people don’t throw their hands in the air and exclaim they’re done with…
“Openness is the willingness to tell people your story. Vulnerability is your willingness to let others be part of it.” — Unknown
People often think I’m an extrovert, which blows my mind. Sure, I’m great at holding conversations. I’m not afraid to be loud in front of the right people. I’m essentially an open book.
But that’s just the version of me that comes out when I’m around people. My true, authentic self is someone not many other people get to see. And I don’t do that on purpose; I just have a hard time being vulnerable with people.
I’d describe my younger self as a ball of yarn you pulled out of your grandma’s craft tub. It’s a tangled mess of blue, green, yellow, and glitter yarn. You can’t tell where one color starts and the other ends.
That’s because my younger self was filled with anxiety. My feelings felt jumbled and messy. Even when someone did help me realize I suffered from anxiety, I had no idea how to live with the constant distress and worry I felt.
My anxiety felt like an uneasy presence that I’d imagine would look like the ball of yarn I described.
I sat on the floor of my bedroom with my back against the dresser. His voice had a hint of hesitancy mixed with a serious tone. I knew this conversation wasn’t going to go well.
“I need to cancel our dinner plans tonight,” he said and then continued, “I don’t think we should date anymore. I can’t commit to something serious right now with work and everything.”
I hung up the phone and sat there, tears welling up in my eyes.
I felt heartbroken and foolish. Heartbroken because I dated this guy for two and a half months and really…
The puppy love stage of a relationship is exciting. You’re constantly on each other’s minds. You hang out non-stop. Emotions are flying. The sex is great.
But, inevitably, you become comfortable with each other. You move out of the phase where everything is new and exciting and move into being able to be silent around each other and binging Netflix shows.
And while many couples swear they’ll never be the ones to lose that fiery connection they have, a lot do. Because, like a fire, the connection between two people needs to be cared for. …
What is happiness?
It can be simple, like catching a glimpse of a smile on someone’s face who you love. But it can be complex, like deciding to let someone go from your life because you know you’re better off without each other.
Happiness can be present, like the rush of emotions throughout your body when you listen to your favorite song. But it can also be long-term, like finally accomplishing a goal you’ve put years of dedication and sacrifice into
It’s not easy to define happiness, but one thing is for sure: everyone wants to be happier. …
What if I told you it’s impossible to know your partner completely?
Did that make you roll your eyes? Or are you intrigued?
When I first came across the idea of Love Mapping, a theory created by the relationship researcher John Gottman, what I thought about how relationships worked was drastically questioned. I assumed healthy relationships just happened, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Love Mapping is based on the idea that knowing small things about your partner allows you to create a solid foundation for the relationship. …
Did you know that humans aren’t the only mammals that can experience love? But we are the only animal that can create meaning and understanding around emotion.
Which is great since, if we're honest, love hurts sometimes. Relationships don’t come naturally to people. Dating is confusing and exhausting at times. A lot of people struggle with the love life.
But, if done right, love can be one of the best parts of life. Having a deep connection with someone who not only understands you but you’re intimate with can make up for all the crappy parts of life.
What qualities matter most to you in a partner?
What blows my mind is that if you stopped random people on the street to ask them that question, most people would respond one of a few answers. In fact, when researchers asked what women and men wanted most in a partner, they listed similar qualities like kindness, intelligence, and attractiveness.
Those are all great, but I’ve come to realize that the qualities that make for exceptional, stand-the-test-of-time partners are incredibly overlooked. So much so that I worry they wouldn’t even rank in people’s top 5.
So I want to bring…